Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
