Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
