Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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