She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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