Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
