Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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