i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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