Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
