she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
