Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
