Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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