At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
