Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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