Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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