just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
