you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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