im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
