Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
