i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize