put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
