Just cropdusted the office
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I am one with the molecules
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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