accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize