Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Everyone says I win the strip club
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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