he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
