i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
