Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
