I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
