i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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