Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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