kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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