Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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