??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
