I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
