I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
