when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
