guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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