I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
