Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
