You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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