I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
