Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
