Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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