I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
