return my video game
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
