there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
