Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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