Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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