mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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