On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can't put those talents on a resume
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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