Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
