it wasn't lemon gatorade
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
