i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
