I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
