By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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