forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
