i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
