Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
