I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Enjoy the penises
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
