All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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