he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she peed on how many people?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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