No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
