if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
