Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
